Tag Archives: family

Grace Beck’s Story

I was born April 4, 1995, to Robert Klingensmith Beck III and Elizabeth Beck in Phoenix, Arizona. The day after I was born my dad took off for a love affair with the bottle. This would be indicative of what most of my life would be.

My earliest two memories involve my father. First, I remember my mom holding me while talking to police officers when my father went missing. The other memory is building a snowman family with him. I made each snowman anatomically correct to show him how “smart” I was. I adored my father and constantly sought his approval. Every time I made a point about something happening in a ball game or something outdoorsy, it would follow with, “Huh, Dad?” He would always reply, “You’re right Gracie,” even if I was completely wrong. My life was filled with extreme highs and extreme lows with my father.

When I was in middle school I was a troubled kid. I talked back to teachers, didn’t do homework and had conflict with mean kids in class. Things at home made me feel as though I was not important, that I needed to act out to get attention. My father was, what seemed constantly, going on binges. Every few months it would get to the point of taking him to the hospital so he could detox. When he was on medication he was reserved to his bedroom all day, every day. A child living in this environment begins to ask questions like, “why does he choose drugs over me?”  “Am I not important?” “Does he not really love me?” “Am I the cause of his alcoholism?” None of that is true.

My father’s childhood was filled with one tragedy after another, but the worst part was that he had no outlet to deal with his deep wounds and suffering. The only thing that helped ease the pain was drugs and alcohol.

My relationship with my father was rocky and sometimes nonexistent. I distanced myself from my father because I loved him and it hurt too badly to be around him.

As I got older, the only time we talked was when the Steelers were playing, the Diamondbacks were doing well or anything college football. But he never owned up to the way he damaged our family and never was truly repentant for being an absent father.

Last year, I experienced some things that gave me a perspective on what my father dealt with. I didn’t want to feel or think, I wanted to escape, I wanted to die. God allowed me to feel a fraction of the pain my father felt, that same pain that led him to drugs.

People told me growing up, “Be careful, alcoholism is in your DNA.” I am destined to be just like him, right? Wrong! There is a commonly believed lie about addiction; that it is an illness, an incurable disease. This is a lie that releases people’s responsibility for their actions and condemns them to a life of affliction. Addiction is an emotional disease, perhaps. In its purest state, addiction is selfishness, pride and sin. Addiction may end with physical dependence on drugs, but it starts with loneliness, insecurity, guilt, suffering and more. All of us tend to use things to escape reality.

My father bought into this lie and died because he felt trapped. Robert Beck died on October 13, 2016, from an overdose of several different prescription medications.

After my father died I went into shock. I started going downhill, fast. I was unable to process or put into words the feelings I had. My grief was not just for my father, but for the relationship, I would never have with him, the one thing I wanted my whole life. I used alcohol, extreme sarcasm (being a jerk), Netflix binging and partying to numb the feeling of my heart being torn out of my chest every single day.

However, God began showing me that the things I turned to only made me hurt more. I’m sure if my father could tell me one last thing, it would be that he regretted the path he took in life, he wished he would have dealt with his issues instead of hiding behind addiction, and life is meaningless without faith in God.

I share my father’s story with you because it is my story. Everything my father did when I was growing up has shaped me to be who I am, good or bad. I know my dad would want me to express to others that the only way to truly heal your emotional wounds is to reach out to God, the only One who understands ultimate suffering.

I used to dread waking up in the morning. Now when I wake up, I am hopeful for the future.

Hope For Addiction saves lives, mine included.

I have learned that addiction is not different from the sin with which I struggle. The only difference is that addiction is ugly to society and Christians. Jesus sought out the outcasts. He loved them unconditionally. To me, that is the most poetic and beautiful way God works. I was the outcast, but God’s promise to His children is He will never leave us or forsake us. I have experienced that promise in my life, even through the suffering.

For more information, please visit our website at myhopeforaddiction.com

If you would like give HOPE to someone in need, please view the needs HERE 

When your mom is an addict: A daughter’s story of survival

I don’t exactly know when the addiction started? It seems like it was always there. I don’t remember a birthday party or Christmas where I didn’t have to explain what was going on with my mom and why she seemed so ‘’tired’’ or “down.” Growing up it was always just me and my mom at home. It’s not that no one else was around because there was, but she quit her job when I was 9 or 10 and my dad was supporting us with one job and my older sister was in high school. It was just me and momma, taking care of one another. I just remember my mom was having a hard time but I was too young to understand why.  I had no idea what addiction even was.

Not too long after, both of my older brothers went to prison at the same time. It was really hard on all of us. Instead of turning to each other for a shoulder to cry on and finding comfort in one another, my mom found comfort in those little devils, we call medicine.

That’s what I remember the most. From then on everything got a lot more drastic. She cried every night and would never come out of her room, barely ate. Coming home to her sleeping just became the new normal. There were years’ worth of little incidents like that. But they were more than little, they were as often as the heat is here in Arizona and they built up so much tension and emotion in the family.

 For some reason, these things happened when it was just the two of us, so of course, I would care of her and do whatever I could to make her present again. Being a kid, barely in your teen years and having to take care of someone who should be caring for you and making you dinner and making sure that you’re ready for bed, is something I became accustomed to. That was definitely the hardest thing for me because I had to not only care for myself but for my mom, and doing that means having to grow up a lot faster and having to mature faster than a kid should. It was almost like she was never there. She was there physically but emotionally in a totally different place. 

The last episode, I remember so vividly. We went to church early because she was serving coffee and she asked me to help her. As an hour or so went by I started to notice the usual signs: shaking hands, drowsy eyes, slurring words. You know, the whole nine yards.  I asked her if she took her medicine and of course, she denied it and became angry. She started yelling at me, telling me that I was embarrassing her. She didn’t even know that I was the one who was embarrassed. My aunt took us home and we had a big argument. She was falling all over, tripping off of pills. I was so angry and sad and scared and overwhelmed. I couldn’t take it anymore. I called my dad to come home from work or I was going to call an ambulance. We all knew she had to get help. Our family was falling apart.  – We all needed help!

Then my mom found Redeemed2Repeat… 

My mom has been clean and sober for almost three years.  Today, she enjoys helping other women who attend the Redeemed2Repeat meetings. She has come a long way and has been working hard to remain sober. My mom continues to work to restore relationships within our family. I have my mom back and she takes care of me.

 

We have a great relationship. It wasn’t always this way. Addiction almost destroyed our family. It has been a long journey and our story continues…

If you are struggling with addiction and need help, contact us today! There is no charge for our services.

Connecting the desire to change with the Power to change!