I don’t exactly know when the addiction started? It seems like it was always there. I don’t remember a birthday party or Christmas where I didn’t have to explain what was going on with my mom and why she seemed so ‘’tired’’ or “down.” Growing up it was always just me and my mom at home. It’s not that no one else was around because there was, but she quit her job when I was 9 or 10 and my dad was supporting us with one job and my older sister was in high school. It was just me and momma, taking care of one another. I just remember my mom was having a hard time but I was too young to understand why. I had no idea what addiction even was.
Not too long after, both of my older brothers went to prison at the same time. It was really hard on all of us. Instead of turning to each other for a shoulder to cry on and finding comfort in one another, my mom found comfort in those little devils, we call medicine.
That’s what I remember the most. From then on everything got a lot more drastic. She cried every night and would never come out of her room, barely ate. Coming home to her sleeping just became the new normal. There were years’ worth of little incidents like that. But they were more than little, they were as often as the heat is here in Arizona and they built up so much tension and emotion in the family.
For some reason, these things happened when it was just the two of us, so of course, I would care of her and do whatever I could to make her present again. Being a kid, barely in your teen years and having to take care of someone who should be caring for you and making you dinner and making sure that you’re ready for bed, is something I became accustomed to. That was definitely the hardest thing for me because I had to not only care for myself but for my mom, and doing that means having to grow up a lot faster and having to mature faster than a kid should. It was almost like she was never there. She was there physically but emotionally in a totally different place.
The last episode, I remember so vividly. We went to church early because she was serving coffee and she asked me to help her. As an hour or so went by I started to notice the usual signs: shaking hands, drowsy eyes, slurring words. You know, the whole nine yards. I asked her if she took her medicine and of course, she denied it and became angry. She started yelling at me, telling me that I was embarrassing her. She didn’t even know that I was the one who was embarrassed. My aunt took us home and we had a big argument. She was falling all over, tripping off of pills. I was so angry and sad and scared and overwhelmed. I couldn’t take it anymore. I called my dad to come home from work or I was going to call an ambulance. We all knew she had to get help. Our family was falling apart. – We all needed help!
My mom has been clean and sober for almost three years. Today, she enjoys helping other women who attend the Redeemed2Repeat meetings. She has come a long way and has been working hard to remain sober. My mom continues to work to restore relationships within our family. I have my mom back and she takes care of me.
If you are struggling with addiction and need help, contact us today! There is no charge for our services.